I wish I were a stronger person, but I’m only the mirror image of what I want to be……meaning, I’m the opposite of everything good!
My need for everything that’s killing me,is making it harder for me to want to care to stop! I’ve hurt myself so long,I’m actually afraid to see what I look like with out my mask! Pointless as it may all seem!
This is my autumn,my introduction to winter! This is my holiday juggle of morals to face paint a sinner! This is my battle of beautiful struggles,and card up the sleeve (I love you’s)! My earthquake jenga head fuck,making cuddling so fucking uncomfortable! This is a missed breath from a misled kiss meant to fake emotions belong! My insecurity button that helps me pretend nothings wrong! Hiding paintings reflections,hidings affections to fight them in,and convince you to plant the seed of a flower that wouldn’t grow in my environment! I just wanted to feel normal,important,warm!
I wanted to feel cozy when it rained instead of depressed by a storm! Wanted a hand to hold when my heart skips,maybe worth one tear in your eye! I just wanted one person to love me,so I wouldn’t be so afraid to die! So when I sleep I rest,not a psyche to fuck,but a comfort to kill anxiety,so I can swallow without it getting stuck! I just wanted to breathe so I pretended to be free! Another reason you’ll never learn to trust,or forgive me!
I just noticed that people are making fun of me. If you don’t like me,don’t act like you do. All that I’ve ever wanted was to be liked,and have tons of friend,maybe for once in my life be one the “cool kids”. I’ll never have that! I stay home while everyone else is out having fun with their friends. It just really hurts to know that people I loved-whole heartedly,thinks of me as a joke. I don’t know how to interact with people,cause I’m never around people. My best friend in the world is my iPod. I am afraid all the time,afraid of people,afraid of the awkward moments right before you realize that I’m pretty much worthless as a person.
I don’t know really why I’m bothering to post this. Just had to get it off my chest.
Trying to be more than my past life-